Rachel’s Lived Experience Journey

Letters of Hope volunteer, Rachel, shares her remarkable journey—from facing child abuse, navigating mental health challenges, and triumphing over a neurological disorder to her current role as an advocate, primary parent, and resilient individual who has found peace through self-care, community support, and gratitude for life.

Rachel wanted to preface her journey by saying: “I’ve been in some very dark places in my life and I’ve gratefully come through it to joy and hope. I don’t want to trigger people, but my story might trigger people around issues of child abuse or suicide.” If you or someone you know is dealing with similar challenges, consider reaching out to the support services listed below:

Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention)
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 (Mental health support)
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 (National sexual assault, domestic, and family violence counselling service)
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (Counselling for young people aged 5-25)
Global Resources & Helplines: checkpointorg.com/global/

Remember, reaching out for support is a courageous step, and there are professionals ready to listen and help.

When did you first realise that your past experiences were impacting your mental health?

“I was born in Australia then lived in Papua New Guinea soon after for six months until I moved to the Philippines when I was two. I called the Philippines home until I was 15 and had to move back to Australia again due to my parents’ work. I spent two separate years in Australia when I was seven and 12. I’m a Third Culture Kid, “Someone who spends a significant part of their developmental years in a culture other than their parents’ culture, and as a result, develops a sense of belonging with others of similar experience.”* 

My Aussie family of four speak a Philippine dialect and we were adopted into a clan of people still practicing their traditional ways as hunters and gatherers when we lived there. My mother ran a clinic there with no electricity, running water, phones, or road. When I was seven the situation became too unsafe for my brother and I to live in the village anymore, so we moved to an expat centre while our parents were in the village. We had three precious pet macaque monkeys and cats we adored. 

I experienced child abuse at home, at school, and at play, on the expat centre. I blocked some out and was very accident prone. When I was 13 an American psychiatrist and his family was there. I wrote to him and started seeing him. By the time I was 15 he put me on antidepressants before I returned to Australia. I was already suicidal. I didn’t tell him I’d been abused but I tried to. I didn’t realise yet that child abuse is never the child’s fault, or the person’s fault who has less power. The older and stronger person and the person with more knowledge always has more power. 

I experienced so much culture shock returning to live permanently in Australia. It didn’t feel like home for a very long time. It feels like home now, though I Truly feel like home with “kids” I grew up with.”

*David Pollock and Ruth E Van Reken

How did you respond to this realisation?

“From 18 to 44 years I lived in and out of hospitals, actually starting in a psychiatric institution, Larundel, with severe depression and an eating disorder, and I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder when I was 36. It had been suspected earlier. I was on life support twice for suicide attempts. My closest friend of 24 years lost her life to suicide when I was 41. An average of 76 people have been found to be negatively and permanently for the rest of their lives, impacted by one person’s suicide. 

When I was 33 I took my two year old and left my relationship with domestic violence. Then I won custody of my child, but didn’t know if I was going to survive. I chose to have my child’s father raise them to try to give them more stability than me not making it. I’ve regretted this decision many times since then. When my child was 14 they came to me and chose to stay. When I was 49 I won their custody case again. They can stay with me as long as they want now. 

I have a neurological disorder, Functional Neurological Disorder, which began with full paralysis to only being able to move my head and breathe, when I was 19. I got pressure sores in hospital on IVs for it. It got a lot better but for years I had problems where my legs would get paralysed for a while, regularly when I sat down. And I’d get drop-foot when walking sometimes. I thought it was caused by depression. I wasn’t told the diagnosis until I was 44 and I got full paralysis again, until I could only blink and breathe. 

The hospital wanted to discharge me to a nursing home. I chose to go home to an inaccessible split level unit instead of move to a place whose focus was end of life care. I couldn’t get into my shower which had a hob- an edge on it. I couldn’t get in the bath. I couldn’t shower for 14 months and 16 days. I couldn’t get out of my unit until friends built a ramp from my back laundry door to my garage down the steps. I couldn’t go beyond the garage without help. I couldn’t get to the front door downstairs. I had three cats. I couldn’t get rubbish to my bin outside or put the bags outside because I used to feed crows and they opened my rubbish bags I put outside and spread it everywhere. So I triple-bagged it and put it in my bathtub and shut the bathroom door. The flies still got in and it smelled like a tip. At first my outreach worker visited me every 10 weeks until one friend visited and saw how desperate I was. Then she visited weekly. I had no food security until then.”

How did you seek support, and what do you think has been helpful in your recovery journey?

“It took a very long time to apply for Specialist Disability Accomodation. It wasn’t a linear process for me, but after about two years I finally moved into High Physical Support Specialist Disability Accomodation. I’m still here, and my teenager now lives with me. There are numerous modifications still needing doing after more than three years, including having a properly accessible sink for me anywhere in the accomodation. 

My goal moving in here was to sit at a table. I’ve far, far exceeded that goal. I garden as therapy. I work voluntarily as an advocate for people with disabilities, for people needing housing, for the LGBTIQABBSG+ communities, I work in consumer health, and in co-design and Lived Experience. I do public speaking for Legal Aid on the importance of legal assistance services doing trauma-informed practice, and I do voluntary letter writing and make craft packs for Letters of Hope. I haven’t been suicidal in years now. I laugh a lot, I see a psychologist regularly whether I’m doing well or struggling, I cherish my time being a primary parent of my Precious teenager, I take photos of Beautiful flowers in our garden and post them on Facebook, I run an art group on Facebook for people living in Australia and New Zealand (Happy Inclusive Creating), I pace myself, I rest when my body says it needs to rest, and I am so, So, sO grateful I’m alive. Every moment has been getting to this place of peace. I use wheelchairs to get around, but I am so much happier than I’ve ever been, and so resilient for all I’ve survived. 

It’s helped me stay alive and get through by asking for help when I’ve needed it. And asking again, and again, and changing who I ask, if people don’t hear me. You always have a right to ask for help if you feel you need it. You even have a right to plan steps for what to do before you Really need help. 

It’s also helped me hugely to take one step away from anything causing me overload, and to take one step towards something soothing, fun and/or distracting, any time I think of it. Making this a regular practice has helped me build up good self care and resilience in a way which feels safe to me. This really helps both my neurological disorder and my mental health challenges. Sensory activities (things involving any of my five senses) are the best soothing, fun, and/or distracting activities which help me reduce overload and overwhelm. I’d love to hear your tips for your mental health challenges, and your stories, too!”

If you or someone you know is dealing with mental health concerns or is impacted by the themes discussed in Rachel's story, please consider reaching out to the helplines and support services listed above. Remember, seeking help is a courageous step, and support is available.